ME

What do I know? I figure that since Amanda hasn't really written about Peru in any depth then neither will I, YET.. I know that my first message was a little vague on the way God has dealt with me over the past year. I will talk about it a bit more in this note.
For so many years I tried to hang on to what this world has to offer and hang on to my "Christian" life, also. Well it is impossible to do. I tried to fill my life with the things that I thought could bring happiness, joy, peace, and comfort to my own soul. I even became more involved with the church and helping out with things there thinking that would satisfy me. I was a youth leader, Sunday school teacher, played in the praise band, and pretty much did everything I could to cram God into my life. Problem is, I was doing all that to make myself feel better. I thought if I did all these good things, then it would make up for all the bad things in my life. God would love me more, or even that God would love me at all.
Since a very young age, I never really felt loved. Sure people gave love, but they couldn't fill up that spot that I felt was empty. Don't get me wrong, I became a Christian at age 5, in my backyard, in the sandbox. Jesus was my Saviour and Friend but I tried to get love from sources outside of God. Another thing that is truly impossible. Through relationships, friends, girlfriends, possessions, and even in getting married, I thought that I could finally get rid of this void of self-hatred in my life. I hated all the sins I had ever committed and tried to earn love. But I never deserved love. I saw myself as a liar, thief, hypocrit, fake, cheater, just anything you can think of, that was how I saw myself. No one could love me. I didn't deserve love.
All of that is true. I don't deserve love. None of us "deserve" any kind of love. But the Bible talks of something amazing. Romans 5:8 "But God commended His love towards us, in that, while we were yet (still) sinners, Christ died for us." This was the verse that I chose for my trip to Peru. If God can love me even when I am a filthy sinner and die for me, then He did the same for the people of Peru. He also did the same for you. The other verse that everyone knows but God has really spoke more to me over the past year with is John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him, should not perish, but will have everlasting life."
My life and view of myself is different now. I am unlovable, but God loves me. I am a sinner, but Christ died for me. I do deserve God's punishment of hell for my sins, but my faith, that thru Jesus Christ's death, burial, and resurrection, the payment for my falling short is paid for, allows me to rejoice in the fact that I will spend all of eternity in heaven with others like me who are redeemed by the spotless Lamb's sacrifice.
So am I a little more passionate about sharing my faith? Yep, and I am not ashamed because I know who truly loves me. Peru was just the next step in that process of sharing my life and faith. Lord willing, I will be there next year doing the same thing again.... Growing in Christ....

Til next time,

God Bless YOU!! and He loves you too..